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Back to where we started

BALTIMORE-WASHINGTON INTERNATIONAL - The Department of Homeland Security says the threat level is "orange." Actually, the voice with no regional dialect that booms over the P.A. system speaking for the Department of Homeland Security, says the threat level is, indeed, "orange." I know this because I hear it every 10 minutes here at BWI, where I will soon be jetting off to sunny Florida for the 2008 World Series. It should be fun - and busy. The World Series is probably one of those events that attracts weirdoes, people seeking alcoholic beverages, people seeking a glimpse of "history," more weirdoes, media folks*, women, some kids, a handful of celebrities, and teems of overblown egos.

In other words, it's a party. Actually, it's a party I get to write about.

But back to the "orange" threat level... is this good or bad? I suspect it's good because it has remained at "orange" throughout the seven different airplanes I've boarded over the past two weeks. That total could climb to double digits by the time this baseball season ends, which makes it good to know that the threat level has remained a warm, fluffy and consistent "orange."

I assume that the darker the color of the threat, the less secure we are. "Orange," I guess is bit toward the bad side as opposed to green or taupe. When it gets to mauve or cool, ocean blue, we get to keep our shoes and belts on and our computers in the bag when we go through the security post. Red means there might be snipers casing the long-term parking lot. Be sure to keep the Kevlar with the carry on.

I'm not sure what the level of preparedness they are at in the Tampa Bay area where the Rays, nee Devil, play their games. For one thing, the denizens of Tampa Bay sure do know baseball. In fact, it's probably a huge component of the local economy, what with the Pirate festivals and spring breakers and all that. Just think of all the teams that train in the area: the Blue Jays are in Dunedin; Yankees in Tampa; Pirates in Bradenton; Reds a little farther south in Sarasota; and of course the Rays in St. Petersburg. The weird thing about the Rays is that they train and play in the same spot...

That never ceases to amaze me.

In the middle of it all, of course, are the Phillies. Since the early 1950s the team has called Clearwater its spring home, and as a result, tons and tons of people from our little area of the country flock down there in February and March to watch the local nine prepare for the upcoming season. Actually, because of those visits, some folks from the Philly area grow to like Clearwater and the surrounding towns so much that they pack up and move there.

Snow birds they call them. Check them out at Frenchy's or Luigi's where they wait in line and beat on the doors in order to be the first one in for the early-bird special. Actually, the good folks in Clearwater love them some old people. According to the latest census results, just 35 percent of the residents of Clearwater proper are between the ages of 18 and 44 and 45 percent of the population was older than 45. That last number breaks down to approximately 22 percent over the age of 65.

Nevertheless, Clearwater is a good place to visit in February and March when the air in the northeast still has that nasty bite and one's skin hasn't been kissed by the sun since Labor Day.

Anyway, Clearwater is also a good place to go if you like chain stores and strip malls. Based on the visit last February/March, it appeared as if the palmettos, reeds and tall marsh grass final surrendered in the turf war they never had a chance to win. Now, instead of swamps, it's Target, Borders, Costco, Wal-Mart, Taco Bell, etc., etc.

If you thought the Philadelphia suburbs (and now exurbs) were over-developed, you ought to check out the Gulf-to-Bay Blvd. in Clearwater. Either the folks really want to be homogenized by chain stores or they get really, really peeved if they have to drive the SUV more than three minutes to get a venti mochachino or an industrial sized vat ‘o mayonnaise from the Costco or whatever else folks go to.

Remember, you need a membership to go to those places. It's that exclusive... and the parking lots? Massive! Some have their own zip code.

The parallel, of course, is that the baseball season truly has come full circle for the Phillies. Better yet, it really has come full circle for me. When it began I jetted in to Tampa International, got a car and checked in to a Marriott-owned (yes, it's a chain, but I get points!) inn just off the main drag. I spent my days and nights at the ballpark, just off Route 19, learning about what type of season the Phillies might have.

Here we are nearly eight months later as the season is about to end. Again we're flying in to Tampa International, getting our rides and checking into the very same hotel. After that, it's baseball all day and night until there is only one team remaining.

Then we get to start all over again in February.

More later when we get all squared away.

 


* Which is a sub-category of weirdo, but for this purpose we'll give the media its own classification.

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When pelicans attack

PelicanThere is a story out there about how all sorts of crazy, goofy accidents have beset certain beat writers covering the Boston Red Sox. For instance, Seitaro Shimomura, who covers the Red Sox for the Japanese newspaper Yomiuri Shimbun, turned up late for a game against the Mets because a pelican flew into the windshield of his rental car. I wonder if he bought the insurance.

Having just returned from Florida a week ago and seen some things up close, those pelicans look like they can do some damage. Pelicans are big, sturdy and have those tremendous beaks. The look mean, too, and if approached they spread their wings and stand on one foot like Daniel-san in The Karate Kid. My guess is if a pelican makes it through the windshield alive, look out - chances are it will peck your eyes out. Those things are like flying wolverines... pretty, elegant, wolverines.

While Shimomura nearly had his eyes gauged out and missed part of the Sox-Mets Grapefruit League game, the Providence Journal's Joe McDonald had his laptop smashed to bits when a foul ball blasted into it. No big deal there, though. Foul balls fly into the press box and sometimes they hit computers. Sometimes those computers break. It happens every day, which is why baseball fans are lucky to even read one sentence about the local nine. It's also why baseball writers are qualified to operate teletype machines at the regional Western Union office.

Also, if you ever need something notarized like a deed, a will or a marriage license, a baseball writer can handle that, too.

Anyway, a busted laptop - You know, no big whoop... we live in a land where laptops are easily replaced. Besides, it's not like Joe was the victim of a pelican attack. Foul balls are hardly an "exclusive" in baseball, but a pelican attack is no laughing matter.

MandelbaumStill, these stories are only getting out there because it's the Red Sox. Really, in Boston they cover the writers nearly as much as they cover the baseball team. They are really into navel gazing up there. After all, here in Philadelphia we have had a beat writer attacked by the Baltimore Oriole mascot [ed. note: it was the writer's "special lady"]. Another guy (maybe the same dude) took a header between innings of a game at RFK when he dashed onto the field in some sort of Thomas Jefferson outfit. That was a crazy thing, yet no one talked about that. It happened and there were all sorts of witnesses, but it didn't make the national Internets.

Nope, no one ever talked about those things.

*** Wisconsin-ite Bon Iver plays tonight in Austin's SXSW fest.

*** There are about six weeks to go until the Pennsylvania Primary and I'm already tired of hearing the so-called pundits referring to the Commonwealth as "Philadelphia on one side, Pittsburgh on the other and the rest is Alabama." Come on... that's just like those tired, old "booing Santa Claus" bits that folks like to trot out for Philadelphia. It's so boring.

Please, from now on try referring to Pennsylvania as "Pennsyltucky." It flows better.

*** Hey! Do pushups. Also: If you are a distance man, don't worry so much about stretching... unless it's a quasi-regular yoga regime.

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