So Vince McMahon and the whole WWE posse went to Washington for their turn on the barbecue with Rep. Henry Waxman (D, Calif.) and the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. But unlike when Roger Clemens, Bud Selig and the rest of The Baseball Bunch sat in the same committee room, the rasslers’ testimony on Capitol Hill was a little more illuminating.
See, Rep. Waxman invited McMahon, his daughter Stephanie and the WWE brass, as well as some doctors and other experts to Washington to continue his investigation on steroids in sports. Never mind the fact that McMahon, under oath, explained that his operation is not sports. It’s entertainment, he said.
Everything is choreographed in the WWE, not unlike a performance from Britney Spears or whatever pop star one chooses to cite.
Still, inviting the WWE to Capitol Hill for an investigation on sports is kind of like sending the cops to an x-rated movie theater to arrest Pee Wee Herman. No, it’s not quite entrapment, but really, what’s the difference? Still, I’m no scientist, in fact, I did my best to sleep through 10th grade chemistry, but it appears as if some pro wrestlers might be using some sort of enhancers.
Call it a guess.
We’d preface it with the word “performance,” but for reason that term is relegated to athletics. It seems to fit the WWE more so than anything else, but who are we to argue with Congress?
After all, Waxman’s gang revealed that 40 percent of the performers in the WWE tested positive for steroids and that the organizations uses a testing policy similar to the one used by the NFL in that it also screens for illicit narcotics.
Here’s the big question on the drug-testing policy for the WWE…
Why? *
Really? Drug-testing in wrestling? We need to force people to travel to Washington from whoknowswhere, shack up in a hotel, burn carbon and brain tissue to answer questions (all day!) about the drug-testing policy in wrestling?
All on the taxpayer’s dime, of course.
Nice.
Of course the interesting part is that Congress believes baseball and wrestling need separate hearings to discuss the steroid issues in the respective sports. Does that mean the lawmakers can’t differentiate between an actual sporting competition and a staged exhibition? Maybe so. The unmistakable truth about Congressional hearings for both MLB and WWE is that someone with subpoena power can’t tell the difference.
Union hijinx and miscommunication aside, the MLB drug-testing system not only seems to be reasonably fair, but also reasonably effective. If a player tests positive not even the team(s) are informed until the process has been played out. This is good because names are kept out of public until the very end. Reputations aren’t ruined by false positives or shoddy testing procedure.
Meanwhile, since the beginning of the 2007 season, there were approximately 3,500 drug tests administered and analyzed of the members of the 40-man rosters of all the clubs. Over that same span there were 21 positive tests for steroids and stimulants in addition to the one reported from Phillies’ reliever J.C. Romero earlier this week.
That’s a far cry from the 40 percent in the WWE and the 50 percent estimate from steroid pariah Jose Canseco from the Golden Age of baseball’s juiced era.
According to the report issued by the independent group that administered and analyzed MLB’s drug tests, 114 players received therapeutic exemptions – of that 114, 106 were for attention-deficit disorder.
Still, if U.S. citizens are going to pay for ballplayers and rasslers to go Washington and talk about drugs, there has to be some entertainment value. C’mon, we need to get our moneys worth. However, the most hardy-har bits came from the differences in the baseball and WWE hearings. After all, it’s always the little differences were the appreciation lies.
For instance, in the baseball hearings we learned that Sammy Sosa forgot how to speak English, Rafael Palmeiro might have perjured himself and Mark McGwire doesn’t like to talk about the past.
Later, we heard how Roger Clemens isn’t quite sure what a vegan is and definitely is not a vegetarian (which, unless he’s eating farm-raised organic meat, makes him a steroid user… sorry folks) and members of Congress really, really enjoy grandstanding.
Actually, they really enjoy rambling and blustering and thundering on as long as that little red light on the cameras are turned on. It’s like a sickness or something.
But when the WWE, they let it all hang out. Well, of course they did – they’re entertainers.
For instance, Vince McMahon revealed that he once borrowed bowling shoes from stately sportswriter, NPR contributor and Real Sports correspondent, Frank DeFord. Actually, McMahon borrowed bowling kicks from Frank and his wife and it didn’t go over so well.
“…he has no sense of humor and he doesn’t like me,” McMahon said in his testimony. “We were bowling one night and I borrowed one of his shoes and he never found it. And so he had to walk home in a bowling shoe and one of his others, and he was upset about that I understand.”
Yes, we’re paying for this.
Better yet, Vince McMahon’s daughter Stephanie also gave some important nuggets to the committee. A triple threat with her dad’s company – Stephanie is in charge of talent relations and creative writing, was a champion wrestler, and is married to champion grappler Triple-H – the younger McMahon explained that the one-and only Hulk Hogan was a “lousy wrestler.”
What? The Hulkster?
Say it isn’t so.
Q: How does talent get to become main-event talent?
Stephanie McMahon: Basically, hard work and perseverance and overwhelming the audience. When someone walks out on that stage, they either connect with the people or they don't. If you walk out on stage and nobody cares and you don't have any presence, you are never going to be a main-event guy. But if you walk out and you make the people notice you, you can be a main-event guy. You really don't even have to be a good wrestler. Hulk Hogan was a terrible wrestler, and he still is.
Q: For the record, I am sure he would disagree with that.
Stephanie McMahon: I am sure he would disagree with that. I forget this is all public. But, you know, he was. He was a terrible wrestler. But what an incredible psychologist and what an incredible charismatic person. There is no denying Hulk Hogan is one of the biggest stars in the history of our business and will always be perceived as such. But he was not a great wrestler, not a great technician.
There we have it… baseball and wrestling go to Washington to testifiy on Capitol Hill and the best information we get is that Vince McMahon swiped Frank DeFord’s bowling shoes, Hulk Hogan can’t wrestle, and Roger Clemens is carnivorous.
Yeah.
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* Actually, we know why Congress is taking on the WWE. It's for the kids.
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