It was approximately three minutes into Andy Reid’s day-after press conference when I reached down and grabbed my right shoe and fired it as hard as I could at the television set.
Wide left.
Unbowed, I reached for my left adidas Gazelle with my right hand and missed the target again. This time it was high and outside.
Out of ammo and not willing to get up and dig into the couch cushions for the remote, I sat watching Andy Reid’s head mounted on the TV screen as if it were a prized trophy elk. The eyes on the thing were almost lifelike as they scan the room to focus a fuzzy gaze on the questioner. Oh, what those eyes must have seen! Babbling brooks, the greenest brush sprawling under a canopy of stately oaks, squirrels and rabbits and birds…
Then here comes the shoe-throwing idiot trying to take him down with some rubber sole to the dome.
Sometimes it just isn’t fair.
Look, Andy Reid didn’t do anything wrong by sitting in front of the cameras and recorders while attempting to deconstruct Monday’s night’s big victory over the Cleveland Browns. It’s just that his lips were moving and sound was emanating from his mouth, but he wasn’t saying anything.
That’s why I went for the shoes.
Andy Reid’s verbosity in press conferences is nothing new. In fact, Reid’s brevity is analyzed so much in these parts that it’s a cliché. The guy doesn’t like to talk to a room full of strangers… what are you going to do?
No, the thing that’s most interesting to ponder is the idea that sports press conferences could imitate those serious affairs with political types. More specifically, think if the local scribes just starting hucking shoes around the first time they got offended. It would be a hail of white sneakers and old loafers flying through the air like moths buzzing an outdoor light. Those folks have a low threshold to begin with, and it’s not just the subjects on the dais with the microphone that should duck and cover. The local media will turn on each other like angry snakes with an empty stomach if given the chance.
So in light of President Bush’s press conference during his surprise visit to Iraq in which he had a pair of shoes loafers thrown at him, perhaps the local teams ought to just start taking shoes as if they were TSA officials in the security line at the airport. Better safe than sorry, right? Besides, Leslie Gudel likes to wear something with a heel from time to time and I know she’s just waiting for the right chance to come out gunning.
Duck quick, Charlie.
Speaking of ducking quick, how about the moves on President Bush? Hey, we know he doesn’t do press conferences all that much and probably answers fewer questions than Andy Reid. Moreover, judging from the poll numbers it’s a bit of a surprise that Helen Thomas hasn’t bopped him with a dress pump. But not only did he duck quickly as evidenced in the attached video, he stuck his chin out like Sugar Ray Leonard against Roberto Duran in the “No Mas” fight.
There's no way Reid can be that spry... right?
So long, Mo’
Speaking of press conferences, Maurice Cheeks stood up in front of the local press on Tuesday morning to face the music just three days after his firing. But instead of wanting to hurl footwear, everyone in the room wanted to give Mo a big hug.
It’s been written already, so we’ll just pile on here, but on the way out Cheeks was the epitome of class and dignity. He didn’t point fingers, nor did he do that passive-aggressive thing with the read-between-the-lines subtext. Instead, he fell on his sword when it would have been just as easy to spread around the blame for the Sixers’ slow start.
After all, that’s what we do. Though it seems as if it would have been easier if Cheeks had a bona fide two-guard instead of shot-misser Andre Iguodala, but those are the breaks.
Anyway, Cheeks walked in his head up and walked out the same way.
“Things don't always work out the way you expect them to,” Cheeks said during his farewell presser. “I take solace in the fact I did the best I could.”
At the end of the day that’s all any of us has.
Still the Sixers’ struggles have reached the national press with The New York Times venturing down to South Philly for the scoop on what’s going on.
Hey, aren’t you the Flyers? Things are going so well for the Flyers lately that they can pretty much do whatever they want… on and off the ice.
On Tuesday night they sewed up their fifth victory in a row in a cakewalk over the Avalanche. But a few days ago a bunch of the guys were out celebrating a victory over the Penguins when they decided to join (crash?) a Temple University fraternity formal in Olde City.
Yes, it made a few of the blogs.
But here’s the thing I don’t get…
Temple has fraternities?