Just one time I'd like to see a player try on a jersey that doesn't fit during those ceremonial press conferences for newly signed players. Like say for instance the Phillies signed Barry Bonds and trotted him out with the whole jersey thing, but when he tries to slip his arms in it goes nowhere because it's one of Jimmy Rollins' shirts.
That would be funny to me.
The Phillies did their little dog-and-pony show with Brad Lidge yesterday where they made him fly to Philadelphia to answer a few questions and try on a shirt. Then maybe he had dinner, watched a little TV in the hotel before flying back home. Apparently everything fit and checked out fine for Lidge and the Phillies. The shirt looked good.
While all of that was going on in Philadelphia, the Yankees and Alex Rodriguez (sans agent Scott Boras) were working on a new deal that would give him a small percentage of a raise and bonuses for breaking records (more on that in a moment). Apparently, A-Rod and the Yanks are just crossing the Is and dotting the Ts on a 10-year contract. Rodriguez, of course, is the player that opted out the last three years of his current deal that was paying him more than $25 million for a shade more than 162 games. It's just a shade more than 162 games because unlike ex-Yankee third basemen like Charlie Hayes, Scott Brosius or Graig Nettles, A-Rod has never made it to the World Series.
Better yet, any person who willingly opts out of a contract in excess of $25 million for 180 days of work is an [bleep]hole. I wish I could be a little more graceful, but I can't. Seriously. Worse, there will be people going on and on about how A-Rod did the right thing because he got more money and more years by opting out... yeah, well, so. Does that much money matter anymore or is just about his ego? It's kind of like the time we were all together talking about the shoddy work of a well-paid media type when someone butted in with a, "Yeah, but he's making six-figures..." You know, as if that were impressive enough to change opinion. After a second or so, someone countered with, "Yeah, he might make six-figures but he's still a bleeping hack."
In other words, A-Rod might make all the money in the world but he still hasn't played an inning of a World Series game.
But one of the more interesting elements of A-Rod's new contract is that he will get a hefty bonus if he breaks the all-time home run record. Actually, according to Big Stein's son, Li'l Hanky Steinbrenner, the Yankees are working on a "marketing plan" for A-Rod's climb up the all-time charts.
"These are not incentive bonuses," Steinbrenner said. "For lack of a better term, they really are historic-achievement bonuses. It's a horse of a different color."
But the color is still green. And here's the thing - whose home run record does A-Rod have to break to get his horse? Will Major League Baseball still consider Barry Bonds the Sultan of Shots or will he get the big historical asterisk next to his name after yesterday's indictment came down at around the time Lidge was trying on a shirt?
And we all know the Feds never get indictments for cases they could lose. They like to make it look like the Harlem Globetrotters vs. the Washington Generals...
Perhaps more interestingly, Bonds' federal indictment for lying to a grand jury comes after commissioner Bud Selig announced that MLB's revenues crossed over $6 billion. And, a day after The Washington Post offered readers a front-page story in which leaders in the anti-doping movement are convinced that getting indictments and launching investigations is a better tact than spending money to develop full-proof drug tests.
It looks like they got a really big fish.
More: The Bonds indictment (pdf)