Last week: 1-3
2011 NFL Playoffs: 3-5
New York vs. Pittsburgh
We’re all about fairness here at the Food. In fact, we just might even change the name of this site with some type of derivation of the word fair despite all the hard work and research by the good folks in the marketing department. They really like alliteration.
So with that in mind, folks like me have to take their medicine about disparaging the New York Jets and their kinky/loudmouth coach, Rex Ryan. Sure, the manner in which he trash talked about his team beating the Patriots last weekend just might have set back the fine art of attention-whoring back decades. It’s one thing for Ryan to go on cussin’ and fattin’ around on HBO, because that’s cable and a documentary. I think we all know how people feel about subtitles.
But to mouth off in front of the reserved, thoughtful and compassionate press in New York City is taking things too far.
Oh, but that Rex Ryan is crazy like a fox. He knew exactly what he was doing. He thought if he said some crazy crap about Bill Bellichick and the Patriots before the game, it just might get onto the evening news or the newspapers. You know, because the evening news and newspapers are so ubiquitous with the hip and young demographic.
Needless to say, after the upset in New England, Ryan and the Jets have decided to curb the verbosity this week. That makes sense considering the Pittsburgh Steelers do not have any players easily ridiculed for things like deviant, unlawful behavior. Model citizens every last one of them.
Besides, what good would it do to mouth off about the Steelers or Pittsburgh. Sure, Charles Dickens is often credited with describing Pittsburgh as, “hell with the lid off,” but that was in the 19th century and with the effects of climate change wreaking havoc across the globe, Pittsburghers will have to wear a sweater or a muffler to the ballgame on Sunday afternoon.
Maybe Pittsburgh is what this AFC Championship game between the Jets and Steelers is all about.
We all know that everyone from Pittsburgh loves their teams and their town. Big Love, actually. L-O-V-E type love. They go crazy from the Penguins and tolerate the Pirates simply because the ballpark is fantastic. But the Steelers... man, they go wacky for the Steelers. In fact, they go so coo-coo crazy for the Steelers that even here in the eastern and central parts of the Commonwealth, they often take over the scene. Sometimes the Pittsburgh football fans even petition the league and the local TV stations to show Steelers games on the tee-vee despite the fact that it is an out-of-market game. Worse, the Steelers fans have redrawn the well-planned and tried-and-true border lines so that teams that are closer (geographically speaking) like Baltimore, Washington, New York or New England, are ignored while the Pittsburghers get the hometown advantage.
And that’s just the thing isn’t it? Pittsburghers love Pittsburgh so much that they live somewhere else.
Sure, they redraw the border lines because they don't live in Pittsburgh anymore. Really, think about it—they love their team and their town so much that they moved away. What does that say? How about they like Pittsburgh because they don't live there.
Say what you will about Philadelphia or Philadelphians... at least they don’t leave. Some might venture over to South Jersey or maybe even the western 'burbs, but for the most part Philly folks just move down the block. Loyalties don't change because, really, what else is there? Where are the folks from Philly supposed to go? We already know Philadelphians don’t mix well with others.
So because of the migration habits of folks from certain sections of Pennsylvania, we easily determined the winner of the AFC Championship…
Pick: New York Jets (plus-4)
Green Bay vs. Chicago
The grass hasn’t been green in these parts for a long time. No, it’s not because there is no fulltime (or even a part-time) lawn steward, it’s just because it’s winter. Sub-freezing air and chlorophyll just don’t mix.
However, with the advances in technology and the herbaceous arts, folks do not have to wait until the spring time for the brown lawns to turn green. Just look at the football fields in cold places like Pittsburgh, New England and Philadelphia where the grass looked as if it was ready for a May Day frolic.
But in Chicago at Soldier Field, the Bears and Packers will have to play the NFC Championship on brown grass like a ragtag bunch of kids in a pickup game. For whatever reason, the grass at Soldier Field looks as if it was broiled by an overworked chef at Harry Caray’s than tended to like Chicago’s favorite son, Bill Murray, and his star turn in Caddy Shack.
The thing about Caddy Shack was that Brian-Doyle Murray, Bill’s big brother, wrote the screenplay with scenes from his youth as the inspiration. See, as kids, Brian, Bill and the rest of their six siblings kept jobs at the local Indian Hill golf club in Wilmette, Ill. That means Ty Webb, Judge Smails and Lacey Underall are real people—or at least based on real people… sort of.
Maybe the Chicago Bears could hire the Murray gang to help them keep the grass green? Certainly they’d know the best way to keep the grass green in Chicago in January is to use a cooler seed like rye or fescue mixed with a Bermuda for when the weather changes.
Aerating the grass with some raking or removal of the brown, dead grass also does wonders for the lawn. Of course the dry, winter weather also causes the ground to freeze which means it’s important to keep the grass saturated. However, at Soldier Field they kept the grass hidden beneath a tarp so the snow and frost would be easier to remove. Then again, the warming coils they probably keep below the surface could take care of that, too.
There are three major league ballparks in Chicago and I’m sure if there were to be a big game at Wrigley Field or Comiskey Park, the grass would be green, lush and as inviting in the dead of winter as if it was June.
Better yet, the grass is green in Green Bay, Wisc. They have Aaron Rodgers as the quarterback, too. Therefore…
Pick: Green Bay Packers (minus-3½)