For amusement purposes only

We usually don't pick games here because that was so last year. Plus, offering point-spread picks of professional sports is de facto gambling and even though we aren't gambling nor are we encouraging others to gambling, it's kind of like watching a person being assaulted without stepping in to stop it. No, we didn't dive in and rain haymakers down on some poor fella, but we didn't do anything to stop it. In other words, adjacent to refuse is still refuse. I was part of the problem and that's why I stopped the pretend gambling.

Besides, professional leagues and teams have rules forbidding gambling and claim they will revoke press credentials from those who knowingly engage in professional gambling. The leagues and teams also say they will penalize players and team employees who associate with known gamblers, too. They don't do it, but it's a rule nonetheless.

So just to be on the safe side, I'm going to begin my prognostication with a disclaimer... Don't gamble and don't use the wisdom herein for gambling. Though I am not morally opposed to gambling and even enjoy partaking from time to time, I must admit that I am a supercilious snob. For my brand of snobbery, the caricature version of the gambler with his gaudy clothes and jewelry - one which gives off the image of not only questionable character, but also of one who lives his life with a personal philosophy based on Exodus 21:23 - 27 - well, that's not the kind of person one would want to invite over for hot wassail.

Really... who can take those people seriously? And who are those folks fooling with their flashiness and hair coiffed oh so delicately with blonde highlights that is about as subtle on a man beyond middle age as a kick in the crotch?

They aren't fooling me. A person is known by the company they keep, is what I always say.

That said (or written) lets dive into the big football games that will be held this weekend at various times suitable to nestle gently into the nation television schedule.

New York Giants vs. Dallas Cowboys I suppose this is the biggest game of the weekend. I suppose that's the case because it features a team from the country's largest media market and another team that supersedes such triviality as media markets. "America's Team" is what the Cowboys and their fans refer to themselves without irony. Any group that can make such a proclamation and not stifle a laugh midway through is one to keep at a distance or trapped in a reinforced box as if they were a wolverine on greenies.

The New York-Dallas matchup is also an interesting one for folks from Philadelphia, too. One reason is that both clubs come from the NFC East, just like the Philadelphia Eagles. Additionally, the Eagles fans claim Dallas as their biggest rival even though it should be the team from New York. In fact, the Eagles' hatred of Cowboys is a lot like a song by the J. Geils Band set on its head. Fans of the Eagles have manufactured a bitter rivalry with Dallas that goes unrequited because the Cowboys' biggest rival is the Washington Redskins. This makes perfect sense, because if historical precedent as our guide, Cowboys and Redskins should despise one another. Moreover, everyone should hate Giants, Raiders, Titans, Buccaneers and, of course, Texans.

Since we're doing some good ol' hatin' let's add racism in there, too. If a Giant is a good thing to hate, I suppose racism is a good thing to hate, too.

It would be one thing if the game was simply a matchup between the teams from New York and Dallas and that was it. Instead, there are subplots. No, it's nothing too interesting or odd like the little subplot involving Mike Yanagita in the film, Fargo. Instead, it's more like a dumb reality-show subplot like, "Puck put his finger in the peanut butter so let's kick him out of the house and cry." In this instance it's equally as lame...

Ohmigod Tony Romo went to Mexico during his week off with Jessica Simpson and some teammates and her dad! My world and my wife's world are colliding!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

OK, I can understand why this is a big deal to sports fans. Actually, there are a lot of reasons why the quarterback of a football team gallivanting at a resort in a foreign country is such a big deal. For one thing to the average, factory-assembled fan, sports and women do not mix. Oh sure, they can hang around as long as they are dressed in a bathing suit and serve dead animal carcasses and other fatty food to the rest of the gang, but if they sit in the room with the other guys and watch the game and - gasp! - ask questions... oh no! Like hunting or being an elite-level chef, sports is a man's domain. Better yet, most men only want to watch sports with other men. And yes, the notion that a bunch guys that only want to hang around with a bunch of other guys and share their turbo-charged feelings is... well... gay[1], is completely lost.

Perhaps that's because sports fandom, by nature, is a conformist activity. All sports fans speak the same language because they engage in all of the same media. Sports seem to be the only subset of the news or popular culture in which there is no alternative media or ideology. Yeah, there are different Internet sites and all of that, but though the style might deviate slightly, the tune is always the same.

Think about what it's like to go to a game... everyone waits in line, dresses alike, eats and drinks the same things and recites the same slogans.

"LET'S GO HOME TEAM, clap, clap, clapclapclap!"

So yeah, with everyone receiving their marching orders from the same sources it's easy to see why a guy going on a trip with an actress during his week off is a bad thing.

The Tony Romo-Jessica Simpson thing was such a big deal that the football stuff kind of got lost in the shuffle. For instance, Terrell Owens, the ex-Eagle, is attempting to play despite a diva-like injury. I'm not saying Terrell Owens is faking the injury for a little extra dramatic flair, but let's just say he's probably not pleased that it's another teammate involved in some sort of controversy instead of him. To make it worse, the controversy involves the quarterback and a model. All T.O. ever had was Drew Rosenhaus.

Oh yeah, there is Giants' quarterback Eli Manning, too. Manning, of course, is the underachieving little brother of MVP Peyton Manning and youngest son of ex-NFL quarterback Archie Manning. He also reminds me of the little brother who cried his way into the pick-up basketball game with his older brother's friends and followed that up by making a whole bunch of jump shots in a row. But just when little Eli pressed his luck and drove to the hoop, one of Peyton's classmates sent the kid flailing into the shrubbery bordering the driveway with a slight forearm shiver. Crying again with his bottom lip quivering while prone in a chalk-outline position half in the bush and the driveway, little Eli shouted, "C'mon dude, I'm only seven!"

For the Giants to have any chance of winning, little Eli is going to have to stay out of the lane and bury those shots from the outside.

Take the Cowboys.

While you're at it, take the Packers, Colts and Patriots, too.

What, do you want point spreads and statistics? Are you a degenerate?

---

[1] The word "gay" is being used in the fifth-grade sense of the word and is in no way being used as a term of derision or as a slur of any type. But then again if you couldn't figure that out after reading the rest of the crap in this essay, you're... um... dumb. Or possibly a supercilious snob.

No dice... too much Deuce

… but it didn’t result to much.

The Eagles’ failure to capitalize on the lone turnover of the game could result in their undoing. Instead, Drew Brees learned from his laissez flip and smartly gave the ball to Deuce McAllister neatly and carefully.

Was he trying to make it more interesting?

Either way, too much Deuce and the Eagles’ defense that could not stop the run reared its head, again. Afterwards, the chatter was that the Eagles made a mistake in not going for it on 4th and 15 late in the game… I don’t know about that. Sure, the defense was beat and was not able to stop McAllister at all, but a good punt and one stand would have given the team a chance.

Conversely, if the Eagles had converted on fourth down, overtime is happening right now.

Instead, McAllister ran it up the middle, milked the clock and kept the Saints’ magical season alive with his 143 yards on 21 carries.

Lost in this was Westbrook's nice game (13 for 116) and another solid effort from Jeff Garcia (15 for 30 for 240), and perhaps the stalwart quarterback's last game in Philadelphia. Who knows, maybe he played himself into a starting job and bigger contract next season?

Regardless, I'll leave the football speculation for smarter folks... I'm going to turn my attention to the local baseball club.

Good night.

A gift from the football gods?

Sleeping beauty as awakened and is cursing the Eagles’ defense with less than seven minutes to go in the game. Frankly, I’m a little surprised that the Saints have attempted a couple of passes during this series. They’ve had so much success riding McAllister, you’d figure they would try to pound the Eagles down to a little nub while keeping that clock in motion.

But what do I know.

Nevertheless, the Saints seem to have found their rhythm. The pressure is on the Eagles’ defense to make a stand so that they can hand the ball over the offense and put the pressure on them.

Football is a cruel game like that.

And then it happened…

Is it really that bad?

Plus, Best Bets

Despite what gets written on this site from time to time, I actually like to watch football. That is to say I can find some enjoyment in sitting around to watch a game on a Sunday afternoon when another family or outdoor activity would be more suitable. Hey, I’m not exactly one of those faux-macho dudes who likes to wear a shirt with another man’s name stenciled on the back; binge on high-cholesterol, high-carbohydrate or high-alcohol content perishables; scream and yell while slapping another man’s hand; or paint my face. I leave that to the professionals.

But from time to time I like to watch the Eagles and have, on occasion, made specific plans to watch a game or two when not working. I just don’t get caught up in the outcome of specific games because – as any seasoned writer would reply – I root for the story.

Stories, of course, are what define us as a species and what makes the world go around. We’re only as good as our content… Or at least that’s what I tell myself.

Anyway, like anyone who has spent any bit of their life in Philadelphia I’m looking forward to the Eagles’ big playoff showdown against the Giants this Sunday. And why not? The two previous meetings between the two clubs were the most entertaining games I saw all season. The first one, way back on a sunny September afternoon at the Linc, was riveting television. Sure, the Giants ended up winning in overtime after the Eagles blew a big lead, but looking at it from a pure entertainment view – which is what sports really is anyway – the game was very enjoyable.

In that regard, I’d say football, more than baseball, is America’s true pastime. Baseball, with its long season covering 26 weeks with a game scheduled for nearly every night from April to October, is more like therapy. If you need a game, it’s there. No questions asked. Take what you need.

Football, conversely, is an event scheduled once per week and building to a frothy, face-painting and trash-talking crescendo. People – even those like me – look forward to games. In baseball they get ready for them.

Before this digresses to a less-than-pithy George Carlin routine, it’s interesting to note that we might not be as entertained or passing our time as well as we could. Oh no, it has nothing to do with us – we’re eating and drinking the correct way and wearing the proper shirts with the correct names and numbers stenciled on the back. Instead, it’s them. The players. Apparently, they aren’t as good or at least they aren’t playing as well as they should.

At least that’s what the splendid writer Adam Gopnik of The New Yorker writes in the latest issue of the magazine. According to Gopnik’s, “The Unbeautiful Game: What's happening to football?” fans are really missing the game if they aren’t watching it from a seat in the stadium, the players aren’t entertaining nor are the fans entertained as they were in the proverbial old days. Instead of Broadway Joe, Johnny U and the unpredictability of the game and the players, we get Donovan McNabb faux silliness and his failure to engage in interview sessions. Or straight-as-an-arrow Tom Brady and his ability to remained so polished and poised on the field and off.

The players are too canned, too together and too media weary and conscious. Times have changed, perhaps.

OK. I know. What the hell does The New Yorker know about football. Don’t they serialize fiction and print poetry?

Yes. Yes they do.

But tell me what I’m supposed to glean from ESPN’s magazine or any of the linked media cacophony they bonk viewers and readers with? Gopnik and his magazine just might have a view and perspective that the entrenched sports media won’t see, touch or bother to think about, and that’s why it’s interesting.

Interesting is one thing, but correct is another. Certainly Gopnik made some interesting and salient points in the magazine’s trademarked sprawling opus, and it’s probably fair to write that the football in 2006-07 isn’t as good as it once was when the league was smaller. But name something that wasn’t good when it was more intimate (so to speak) or discovered? It’s just like that scene in Stripes when Bill Murray’s girlfriend breaks up with him because he likes to sit around and listen to Tito Puente records all day.

Murray, as John Winger, says: “Y'know, one day, Tito Puente will be dead, and you'll say, ‘Oh, I've been listening to him for years, and I think he's fabulous.’”

So for those of you who have been sitting around and listening to those sassy sounds from Tito way back when, is the NFL less entertaining? Do you feel cheated when you flip on the tube or head to the ballpark on Sunday afternoon? Does the supposed dearth of quality play ruin your enjoyment?

Or are you just happy that there are many more people who like to listen to Tito Puente, too?

Anyway, take the Eagles giving the 6½ points to the Giants on Sunday. Normally, I’d be a wet blanket in this situation and go with the underdog, but I changed my mind by the time I get to the end of this essay. Get ready for a trip to New Orleans.

Also, take the Colts giving up 7 to the Chiefs, the Seahawks in a pick ‘em over the Cowboys and the Jets covering the 9 points against the Patriots.

Year-to-date: 23-20-2

Going out on top... and able to walk

Sorry for the day off. I guess I took this bye week thing pretty seriously. Nevertheless, I have been paying a little more attention to football during the past couple days which is a relative statement. I think my ambivalence toward football goes back to those football practices when I was a kid and all the coaches did was scream, yell and carry on.

Was that supposed to motivate me? All it made me want to do was say, “Hey Coach Lombardi, I’m right here. You don’t have to shout. I guess what you are trying to say is that you want me to tackle that guy right there… yes, I can do that. That’s no problem. But in the future say it don’t spray it.”

I doubt football coaches scream like that these days. Athletes and coaches are much more evolved from the hard-assed, clichéd motivational phase. That’s especially true of professional athletes who really don’t need someone yelling at them for motivation. The paycheck does that.

Or at least it should.

But that takes us to the interesting case of Tiki Barber, the yardage-hog running back for the New York Giants. Barber, as everyone has heard or read, has decided to retire from the NFL at the end of the season. Though just 31-years old and leading the NFL in rushing yardage per game while seemingly headed into his prime in his 10th season in the league, Barber apparently believes enough is enough. There’s no sense limping out the door when he can still run.

Needless to say, Barber’s decision has rankled some people. How can Barber quit when he’s still so good and has a few more healthy years ahead of him? Isn’t he going to be a distraction to his teammates? Isn’t he letting them down?

Who does he think he is – Jim Brown?

Well, no. To all of those questions.

Make no mistake, Barber is no Jim Brown, but take that with a grain of salt because I never saw Brown play. I’ve seen a few highlight tapes but that doesn’t explain anything. What does explain things is the way people of that era talk about Jim Brown. In fact, when I was a kid and asked people my parents and grandparents age who the greatest football player of all time, everyone answered a millisecond after the words dropped out of my mouth with, “Jim Brown.”

Then they looked at me like I was crazy for even asking.

Yes, Jim Brown. Who else?

But like Tiki Barber, Jim Brown quit in his prime after just nine seasons. For the longest time Brown was the leading rusher of all time, but when it came down to reporting to camp for the 1966 season or stay and complete the filming of The Dirty Dozen.

He definitely made the right choice.

Barber probably won’t co-star in one of the top 100 thrilling movies of all time, but his plan is to seek work in television. Certainly that’s not surprising because Barber is very polished and comfortable in front of the camera. But that’s not the problem most people have.

You see, most people dreamed of becoming an professional athlete and what could be better than being the running back for the football team in the country’s largest city? But Barber says he doesn’t want to be defined by simply being a football player. There is much more to him, he says.

There lies the contradiction. Most people do not define themselves by their jobs. Instead, regular folks have hobbies or passions that drive them more than just their jobs and work. Why should people whose job is to play football be any different? Why should athletes be held to a different standard?

Why should Tiki Barber have to live out someone else’s dream?

On another note, I always found it curious that sports fans complained about the histrionics of some athletes like Deion Sanders and others who seemed to put a lot of effort into celebrating. “Just play the game and stop all that other nonsense,” went the chorus.

But there was Pete Sampras, one of the greatest three tennis players of all time, simply playing the game and winning like no one ever before. What was the consensus of Pete?

“He’s too boring.”

Not as boring as the double standard.

Best bets

Last week: 0-3
Year-to-date: 1-4

Man, I’m really bad at this game-picking stuff. Maybe instead of selecting the point-spread winners I should see how poorly I can do for an entire season. Oh-for-three? And I’m selecting the games to pick?

Geez!

Then again, who would have thought that Temple would score? Not me. Obviously, I thought Vanderbilt giving the Owls 34 points was a lock. But then to follow that with telling the good folks out there to avoid the Penn State-Northwestern game because the line was too big and I knew a few people who went to school in Evanston even though my wife, sister-in-law are Penn Staters and my father-in-law is a former PSU prof? I’m surrounded by a sea of Penn State-ness yet I can’t take them over Northwestern?

What a jerk.

Oh it gets worse. Mark Brunell stinks? Obviously I stink at picking games. The Dolphins over the Texans? Well… that’s an honest mistake. Who knew the Dolphins were so awful?

Nevertheless, I’m coming back with some more to take to the bank. Here’s what we’re going with this week:

Eagles minus 2 over Cowboys
Generally, I try to avoid the home team, but I like how this is shaping up. The Eagles appear to be focused, ready and can’t suffer another loss to an NFC East team. Then again, Dallas has a history of thriving in seemingly distracting situations and that team is all distraction. There are so many distractions in Dallas that Terry Glenn just kind of blends in.

Still, I’m taking the Eagles and giving up the two points.

Giants minus 4 over Redskins
I have a friend who knows a lot about football. Actually, he might know more about football than anyone I know outside of the business. He has good contacts with the NFLPA, a few former players and front office personnel and never hesitates to call them up to chat about the goings on around the NFL. What makes his information better is that because he isn’t a writer or reporter, his contacts are willing to reveal more. In turn, he sometimes fills me in on what he knows.

With that in mind, my friend says the Giants stink. He doesn’t like their defense and thinks Eli Manning still has a lot to learn. I wonder if that’s his opinion or if he heard that from someone?

I also have another friend (two!) who writes about the Redskins for the biggest newspaper in Washington, D.C. and one of the largest in the country. That newspaper is better at covering politics and the industry town that is Washington, D.C., but they go crazy covering the Redskins because aside from politics, the ‘Skins rule D.C.

That information has nothing to do with anything and neither does my relationship with the football writer because he doesn’t tell me anything about the Redskins, the NFL or anything. However, it seems as if he agrees with me when I email him about how bad Mark Brunell is because he won’t throw the ball to Chris Cooley.

What’s that all about? Take the Giants.

Minnesota minus 3 over Penn State
It’s local week here on the friendly little blog that could. Actually, this line just leapt off the page at me, mostly because I recognize the schools and it appears to be a tightly-contested game.

Looking at the almighty trends, Penn State is 8-1 against the spread in the last nine Big 10 games. Conversely, Minnesota beat Temple, 62-0. That makes it a wash.

The next variable is the players and I can name one – that Morrelli dude. Since everyone is writing that he needs some “seasoning,” he’s a non-factor. That means we go to great writers from each school.

Minnesota has Todd Zolecki, but Penn State has my wife. Call it a tie, though Todd has been writing more lately.

Minnesota has Bob Dylan.

Penn State can’t beat that.

Gophers!

Best bets

After the 1-1 opening week (2-0 selecting winners), I'm going to mix in a college game with this week's football choices.

Ready?

Take Vanderbilt and give up the 34 points to Temple. There's nothing about the Owls early efforts that suggest that they will score another point for the rest of the season.

Around these parts, people go crazy for Penn State despite the fact that many of them have no affiliation with the school. I guess it's those flashy white helmets that makes sports' fans swoon. Anyway, Penn State is giving 19 1/2 points to Northwestern this weekend, and since everyone I know who went to school at the coldest (temperature, not attitude) campus in America are really nice people, I suggest avoiding this game.

Don't touch it with a big stick.

In the NFL, take Miami giving the three points to Houston, as well as Jacksonville minus 2 1/2 over Washington because Mark Brunell stinks.

Best bets recap

I went 2-0 in picking winners, but 1-1 against the spread. It took a late field goal from iron-leg kicker John Kasay for Carolina to knock off Tampa Bay by two points. Meanwhile in Seattle, the Seahawks smacked the Giants around, 42-30, which has led to day after finger pointing and whining by the New York team.

Either way, we're 1-1 and are looking forward to improving this weekend. Be ready for more selections this Friday.

Best bets

Just to show we aren’t all about baseball (and running), here is our best bet for football picks this week:

Take Carolina giving three points over Tampa Bay.

Carolina will not go to 0-3.

Want a bonus? OK. Take Seattle and the three points over the Giants.