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Stripes

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Is it really that bad?

Plus, Best Bets

Despite what gets written on this site from time to time, I actually like to watch football. That is to say I can find some enjoyment in sitting around to watch a game on a Sunday afternoon when another family or outdoor activity would be more suitable. Hey, I’m not exactly one of those faux-macho dudes who likes to wear a shirt with another man’s name stenciled on the back; binge on high-cholesterol, high-carbohydrate or high-alcohol content perishables; scream and yell while slapping another man’s hand; or paint my face. I leave that to the professionals.

But from time to time I like to watch the Eagles and have, on occasion, made specific plans to watch a game or two when not working. I just don’t get caught up in the outcome of specific games because – as any seasoned writer would reply – I root for the story.

Stories, of course, are what define us as a species and what makes the world go around. We’re only as good as our content… Or at least that’s what I tell myself.

Anyway, like anyone who has spent any bit of their life in Philadelphia I’m looking forward to the Eagles’ big playoff showdown against the Giants this Sunday. And why not? The two previous meetings between the two clubs were the most entertaining games I saw all season. The first one, way back on a sunny September afternoon at the Linc, was riveting television. Sure, the Giants ended up winning in overtime after the Eagles blew a big lead, but looking at it from a pure entertainment view – which is what sports really is anyway – the game was very enjoyable.

In that regard, I’d say football, more than baseball, is America’s true pastime. Baseball, with its long season covering 26 weeks with a game scheduled for nearly every night from April to October, is more like therapy. If you need a game, it’s there. No questions asked. Take what you need.

Football, conversely, is an event scheduled once per week and building to a frothy, face-painting and trash-talking crescendo. People – even those like me – look forward to games. In baseball they get ready for them.

Before this digresses to a less-than-pithy George Carlin routine, it’s interesting to note that we might not be as entertained or passing our time as well as we could. Oh no, it has nothing to do with us – we’re eating and drinking the correct way and wearing the proper shirts with the correct names and numbers stenciled on the back. Instead, it’s them. The players. Apparently, they aren’t as good or at least they aren’t playing as well as they should.

At least that’s what the splendid writer Adam Gopnik of The New Yorker writes in the latest issue of the magazine. According to Gopnik’s, “The Unbeautiful Game: What's happening to football?” fans are really missing the game if they aren’t watching it from a seat in the stadium, the players aren’t entertaining nor are the fans entertained as they were in the proverbial old days. Instead of Broadway Joe, Johnny U and the unpredictability of the game and the players, we get Donovan McNabb faux silliness and his failure to engage in interview sessions. Or straight-as-an-arrow Tom Brady and his ability to remained so polished and poised on the field and off.

The players are too canned, too together and too media weary and conscious. Times have changed, perhaps.

OK. I know. What the hell does The New Yorker know about football. Don’t they serialize fiction and print poetry?

Yes. Yes they do.

But tell me what I’m supposed to glean from ESPN’s magazine or any of the linked media cacophony they bonk viewers and readers with? Gopnik and his magazine just might have a view and perspective that the entrenched sports media won’t see, touch or bother to think about, and that’s why it’s interesting.

Interesting is one thing, but correct is another. Certainly Gopnik made some interesting and salient points in the magazine’s trademarked sprawling opus, and it’s probably fair to write that the football in 2006-07 isn’t as good as it once was when the league was smaller. But name something that wasn’t good when it was more intimate (so to speak) or discovered? It’s just like that scene in Stripes when Bill Murray’s girlfriend breaks up with him because he likes to sit around and listen to Tito Puente records all day.

Murray, as John Winger, says: “Y'know, one day, Tito Puente will be dead, and you'll say, ‘Oh, I've been listening to him for years, and I think he's fabulous.’”

So for those of you who have been sitting around and listening to those sassy sounds from Tito way back when, is the NFL less entertaining? Do you feel cheated when you flip on the tube or head to the ballpark on Sunday afternoon? Does the supposed dearth of quality play ruin your enjoyment?

Or are you just happy that there are many more people who like to listen to Tito Puente, too?

Anyway, take the Eagles giving the 6½ points to the Giants on Sunday. Normally, I’d be a wet blanket in this situation and go with the underdog, but I changed my mind by the time I get to the end of this essay. Get ready for a trip to New Orleans.

Also, take the Colts giving up 7 to the Chiefs, the Seahawks in a pick ‘em over the Cowboys and the Jets covering the 9 points against the Patriots.

Year-to-date: 23-20-2

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Best bets

Last week: 3-1
Year-to-date: 12-8-1

Typically I spend my mornings in front of my laptop with CNN droning on in the background. That’s mostly because the morning fare on television is beyond bad and I like to pretend like I’m informed. CNN seems to be the most objective of all of the news networks and it’s easy to turn off the sound and turn on music or a podcast without losing contact with what’s going on in the world.

But this morning I felt a little bored with CNN so I decided to get a little crazy with my viewing… yeah that’s right, I flipped on the BBC.

The allure here is that the BBC – channel 114 on your Comcast dial – doesn’t have to worry about upsetting the special interests in the United States and can present the news earnestly. They also keep the sensationalism to a minimum, which means viewers get significant news segments on what’s happening in Asia instead of the Spears-Federline break up.

Nevertheless, this morning the BBC did a story about the big comeback for Kylie Minogue, who is recovering from breast cancer and is giving a concert in Sydney soon -- the BBC says the concert will be one of the biggest ever in Australia.

But that’s about as sensational or as deep as the entertainment news gets for the BBC. Besides, the story was enhanced by a mid-30s hipster reporter in a black suit and white shirt opened at the collar.

Apparently that look will never go out of style.

Speaking of style, are you like me? Do you like baseball statistics? Yeah? Well try this out – according to Peter Gammons, who read Bill James’ latest post-season stat geek yearbook, Ryan Howard is projected to out-homer Jim Thome during his career. Here it is:

Projected career homers: Bonds 884, Adam Dunn 618, Ryan Howard 711, Vladimir Guerrero 633, Troy Glaus 539, A. Jones 677, Pujols 867, A. Rodriguez 772, Jim Thome 619, Jason Tyner 0.

My guess is if Howard has 711 homers at the end of his career he’ll hang around to get 715.

Also on the BBC they talked about football, but the players didn’t have last names, like Ronaldo or Beckham. The highlights made the “football” game look really exciting, but they can’t fool me. I’ve seen that brand of football played and the prospect of watching baseball or paint dry is much more appealing.

As an aside, there are many things we Americans get wrong, but we are definitely right about soccer.

So you want to know what’s going to happen in the real football games this weekend? Slow down, I’ll tell you…

Seattle minus 3½ over St. Louis
The Seahawks looked darned good in the shutout victory over the Raiders last week. Actually, the quarterback sackers looked good and the rest of the team seemed to do just enough to get by. Watching on Monday night made me think of that scene in Stripes when Sgt. Hulka asked John Winger (played by Bill Murray, who now that I think about just might be one of my heroes) why he was last during the morning running drills.

“I’m pacing myself, sir,” Winger deadpanned.

I’m going to assume that the Seahawks are pacing themselves until Shaun Alexander and Matt Hasselback return from their injuries. In the meantime the Seahawks will improve to 6-3.

Six-and-three.

Can anyone else believe that Stripes came out in 1981? That’s 25 years ago… when did I get old?

Temple plus 36 over Penn State
Penn State, of course, will not have Joe Paterno pacing up and down the sideline this weekend after he broke his leg in a freak accident last Saturday in Wisconsin. At least they say it was an accident, but something seems fishy. Perhaps those wily folks up on North Broad thought their only chance to surprise the Nittany Lions this Saturday in the erector set model called Beaver Stadium was to take away the brains of the operation. Perhaps Paterno was "taken out."

Why not? Remember Tonya Harding and Jeff Gillooly?

Aside from the linebacker (I can’t spell his last name correctly without looking it up and I don’t feel like looking it up right now) who could win the Butkus Award, the Lions have some problems in the talented players category. Oh, they aren’t bad, they’re just a slightly above average team that will struggle to beat Temple by 36 points.

Thirty points is a different story, but 36 are a little too much.

Next season Penn State comes to Philadelphia to play Temple – that’s a long drive for the Lions just to have a home game.

New Orleans plus 4½ over Pittsburgh
Is this line a misprint? Yeah, the Steelers are playing at home, but come on. Not only are the Saints 6-2 against the spread this season, but also they are 8-0 against the spread in their last eight games in Week 10.

Washington plus 7 over Philadelphia
Take the Eagles to win but Redskins to cover. Plus, the Eagles are 2-8 against the spread in their last 10 games against NFC East teams.

Do those stats and trends really mean anything? How about this one: the Eagles really, really have to win this Sunday.

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