A whole lotta talkin' going on

INDIANAPOLIS—If you’re like me, you have the tendency to talk a lot of trash. There’s probably a more apt phrase to use in the place of “trash,” but since I’ve been away from the baseball folk for about a month, we’ll keep it clean for another 12 hours or so.

Like the people who work for the traveling carnival, sailors, or those who root through the bags here at the airport, baseball folk live a hard life. Oh, it’s completely by choice, mind you. As stated previously, baseball folks act like they have some sort of link to history or Americana, but the truth is you wouldn’t let any of them hold your car keys.

But none of this has anything to do with my boastful countenance. In fact, I don’t even need a reason to let loose with the trash talk. Hey, think I’m gonna let someone bust up my party? No way, man. Put me in a room with the baseball carnys and I’ll keep a hand on my wallet and keep them off guard with a little yapping.

It’s all I got.

So we’re off to Indianapolis for the annual baseball Winter Meetings. Last year they held the event in Las Vegas, which was like putting the Star Trek Convention at Cannes. Watching the writer types mill around the high-roller room at the Bellagio with their lanyards and name tags all in place and those Dockers fitted just right, was disturbing and clearly ruined the vibe of the entire town. Some establishments decided to take preventative measures by turning off all the glittering lights and boarded up the windows as if a hurricane was on the way. Baseball scribes in Las Vegas? Yeah, imagine Estelle Getty in the Victoria’s Secret runway show.

Needless to say, the Vegas Chamber of Commerce and/or convention bureau won’t be drawing up a petition to have the gang back.

Indianapolis seems like the appropriate place to hold the baseball Winter Meetings. Actually, Branson, Missouri is probably the most perfect place, but both the Charlie Daniels’ Band AND The Osmond’s are performing this week. Why ruin the buzz of the hot stove?

Whether or not that stove will be hissing and burning on the Phillies side of the convention center remains to be seen. GM Ruben Amaro Jr. already took care of the biggest need of the off-season when he inked Placido Polanco to play third base, Brian Schneider to be the backup catcher, and Juan Castro to fill the role previously held by Eric Bruntlett.

That’s the brunt of the holiday shopping right there for the Phillies.

But it’s not Santa riding into town with a sleigh full of the big-ticket items. And needless to say we shouldn’t be listening for the pitter-patter of hooves on the roof this year. Oh sure, there still is a chance Pedro Martinez could return to the fold, which truly is the gift that keeps on giving. Oh sure, sometimes predicting the results on the mound from Pedro are a bit of a crapshoot (yes, we already miss Vegas), however, to ball scribes he’s like a three-day weekend in the middle of July. One time when I was looking for something to write about I walked over to Pedro in the clubhouse and said (essentially), “Hey Pedro, can you just talk and I’ll go to my computer and write it all down.”

Pedro filled it up.

My promise is that if Pedro returns I will write lyric poems about him. Hell, why not a feature on the Louis Vuitton man-purse he carries around.

Outside of Pedro, it seems as if the Phillies will target current Mets flop, J.J. Putz as the addition to the bullpen…

Hey, sorry about that flop crack. That wasn’t fair considering Putz was injured and it was the fault of one man for the Mets’ suckitude in 2009. That was a total team effort from the front office on down. The truth is Putz would be a big-time “get” for Ruben, the Phillies, and smart-alecky types that enjoy making fun of other people’s surnames.

I don’t like the last group of people I mentioned.

When he pitched for the Mets, Putz wasn’t very good. However, in 2007 he saved 40 games for the Mariners and posted a 1.38 ERA. Needless to say, that’s the guy the Phillies want to get.

Anyway, whether its Vegas or Indianapolis, I’m not going to be the only person talking trash this week. The truth is it will be piled high and deep in the lobby of some very nice hotel filthy with baseball types. Wear a cup.

Anyone know if Mellencamp is in town?

Making the scene

Phew! It was a rather eventful weekend what with the big fight in Las Vegas and putting up the Christmas decorations and all of that. But aside from the Bonnie & Clyde kids or "Rittenhouse Swindlers[1]" as they could be called, and the Eagles loss to the Giants, not much happened in these parts. In fact, it seems as if the Philly folks were looking to get their names in the papers they had to leave town this weekend.

Yes, it seems that not only was Bernard Hopkins making the scene at Oscar de la Hoya's party before Floyd Mayweather dropped Ricky Hatton in 10 in Las Vegas, but also Ryan Howard was on the prowl, too. According to the gossip columnist in Vegas, the Phillies' slugger was at the Tryst nightclub [2]inside the Wynn resort with ex-Phillie Kenny Lofton. Charles Barkley was there, too, the paper reported.

Apparently, Sir Chuck was spotted at a lot of places in Vegas during the weekend before the fight. So too were Will Ferrell, Lennox Lewis and Sylvester Stallone.

Who knows, maybe Howard also hit Vegas to try and lure back local resident Aaron Rowand to the Phillies. That seems doubtful, though. Maybe Ryan was too busy in the hotel gym getting in shape for spring training?

Around these parts we got the ol' tree up and all of that mess. Ever the traditionalists, a few years ago we bought a tree that appears to be made from the old turf they used to have at the Vet. I walked by it this morning and strained my anterior cruciate ligament.

If only it came in martini blue...

Aside from that I went in for a little A.R.T. on my tight-as-a-drum hip flexor. It's a funny thing... I can run, walk and stand just like anyone else, but if I sit on a soft chair or the couch, the hip tightens up so much that I can't get up and I'm left to sit there like a Buddha or Bill Conlin. It's pretty damn frustrating.

What's that about? I can run 90 miles per week but I can't sit on a recliner?

Such a mess...

Finally, Ted Leo and his outfit, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists, wrapped up a seemingly never-ending tour in with shows in New York City and Philly last week and a pair over the weekend in Washington, D.C. After playing and touring the United States and Europe quite continuously since 2005, Ted and the gang say they are going to take a bit of break to recover, rest and make another record.

The rest of us are left to ponder a world where the Pharmacists aren't out there plotting and scheming their moves and walking that line for us. Yes, it's a well-deserved and needed break, but we are weaker as a culture when Ted isn't out there in the night on some stage playing as hard as he can. The Pharmacists go to work every time -- it's just so inspirational and so beautiful.

*** Michael Vick got 23 months! What's that line from D.L. Hughley: Somewhere O.J. is watching and saying, "Man, I'm glad I didn't mess with any dogs..."

*** Happy birthday to Meg White, Michael Clarke Duncan, Bobby Flay, Nia Peeples, J Mascis, Susan Dey, Emily Dickinson and Mark Aguirre.

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[1] Isn't that redundant? And did I make that up? It has a nice ring.

[2] Is it me or does a nightclub named Tryst sound like something out of George Carlin bit?