If there is an actor who plays down-and-out, beaten and burned up better than Jeff Bridges, I haven’t seen him. That’s the reason why I didn’t like watching the movie Seabiscuit, which starred Bridges, and wasn’t totally convinced of his portrayal as the President of the United States in The Contender.
No, this has nothing to with Bridges’ acting chops. The fact is, the guy can act as well as he can grow hair and put on weight. Hell, he even made Tron watchable, and there is something to be said about a dude who was nominated for an Academy Award as the best supporting actor following his first movie, The Last Picture Show. That came when he was just 22 in 1971. Now he’s 60 and nominated for a fifth time.
Baring an upset, Bridges will get his first Oscar tonight.
Strangely, though he’s had one of the best Hollywood careers ever, Bridges is “The Dude.” Who doesn’t love The Dude? Even Bridges loves The Dude. I read an interview where he said The Big Lebowski is one of the movies that just sucks him in and he watches it as if it wasn’t even him up there drinking caucasians, bowling and getting to the bottom of a tangled caper. Bridges says if he finds the movie on TV he tells himself he’s just going to watch a little bit.
“Often I’ll be watching TV and I’ll be hitting the clicker, and if a movie of mine will come on, I’ll rarely get hooked in cause I’ve seen the thing. But The Big Lebowski, when that gets on, I’ll always say, ‘I’ll just watch Turturro … I’ll hang in until Turturro shows up.’ And then once he’s there, I’ll say, ‘I’ll just watch until he gets to the part about sticking the gun up his ass.’”
See, a guy who gives interviews like that should have multiple Oscars. Better yet, he should have won just because he used his own clothes for wardrobe and that wasn’t even the first movie where he wore his own gear for one of his characters. Watch closely the next time The Big Lebowski and The Fisher King is on because you will see Bridges in some cartoon-y Japanese baseball shirt in both pictures.
But whatever, right? Bridges doesn’t need an Academy Award as some sort of validation. Still, it’s his turn. After nearly 40 years in the game and five nominations, he has to get one just like Al Pacino and Martin Scorsese had to get one. So just put it down on the trophy for Bridges playing a used up and alcoholic country singer, Bad Blake, in Crazy Heart. Surely The Dude would approve, too.
Nevertheless, there are many, many things that I just don’t get. The list is vast and long enough even to fill all the space available on this server.
Hey, I’ve written this before, so bear with me as we go over it again. But before we dive into the mysteries of chemistry, calculus and why hockey fans bother to care why the rest of the sporting public doesn't care much for their sport[1], I hope there is someone who can explain the allure of the television broadcast of the Academy Awards.
I get the Academy Awards as much as my wife understands the appeal of a 162-game Major League Baseball season, the three weeks of the Tour de France or why I sit on the edge of my seat to watch people run for 26.2 miles. No, it's not insanity or some sort of self-mutilation. Far from it. Instead it's an appreciation of nuance and ...
Wait, no, it's insanity.
So tonight I will join in some good, old-fashioned insanity and watch the Super Bowl of glamour (nice sports metaphor, huh?), debauchery and depravity with my old lady (it's a term) and tune into the Academy Awards. I will also comment on the fashion choices of the stars in attendance without irony. The fact that the accessories worn by Angelina Jolie will likely cost more than my house isn't the issue. Instead, I will just act like the Academy Awards are oh so important and are rightly celebrated at a level higher than the Nobel Peace Prize.
So as America attempts to dig itself out of its cultural and economic abyss, we might as well handicap it. Oh yes, I know there is no way to judge art or acting unless all of the actors play the same part. I also know that the Academy Awards are inherently a big pile of BS. But whatever. As long as Jeff Bridges gets recognized we’ll sit there and take it.
Supporting actress
Mo’Nique, Precious
Didn’t see this one, but it sounds like the feel-good story of the movie scene. Besides, I couldn’t go for Vera Farmiga in Up in the Air, or Maggie Gyllenhaal in Crazy Heart. No, it has nothing to do with their abilities or performances. As far as I can tell they are both worthy nominees. However, one character’s plot line was too predictable and the other was too unbelievable. Hey, the movie should matter, too.
Supporting actor
Christoph Waltz, Inglorious Basterds
Going against the theory that an acting award can only be given if all the actors are playing the same part, Christoph Waltz was better than the other nominees. So there.
Actress
Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia
Oh why the hell not? The Yankees won the World Series last year… why shouldn’t Meryl Streep get another Oscar.
What, could Sandra Bullock win it? Really?
Actor
Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
We already explained all this. You mean you made it this far and weren’t paying attention?
Director
Quentin Tarantino, Inglorious Basterds
Going with Tarantino here strictly for the speech he would deliver. It could be one of those flighty, rambling, fun things where he thanks everyone from Wim Wenders to Vincent Price to Fiona Apple. Who doesn’t want to hear that? Plus, there is an outside shot he could curse on live TV. I’m for that, too.
However, by all accounts it seems as if Kathryn Bigelow and James Cameron are neck-and-neck here. I can stand behind The Hurt Locker, but not Avatar. No way.
Best picture
The Hurt Locker
Actually, my choice should be, “anything but Avatar,” which totally ripped off the story line from Dances With Wolves. Besides, where do they get all the money to give James Cameron to make those thin-storied movies he makes? Did they just print it up and give it to him?
***
You know what will be the best part about the show tonight? Do you really have to ask?
Well, OK then… Twitter. It’s Mystery Science Theatre 3000 come to life. Make sure you follow funny people who won’t mix in silliness like spring training baseball play-by-play.
[1] This is incredibly baffling. Tell a hockey fan you really aren't hip to their sport and get ready for the dissertation, and, worse, an invitation to a game. Seriously, these people (yes, I wrote these people) just don't understand why everyone doesn't see what they see. Yet, they still have that, "Why can't we just be different like everyone else," attitude. Yes, I generalize because I can. Here's the thing. I'm a huge fan of track and field, long-distance running and professional bicycling. I just love it. It's a tough, grueling sport that just gets me all wound up just anticipating a big race or meet. But here's the thing... I don't want the mass populace to get it because that way I don't have to share my passion for some dumbed-down mass audience. So please, folks, let me have my geeky endurance sports with all my dork friends. Here's an idea: go watch some hockey. They really seem to want you to.