So long, Indianapolis

INDIANAPOLIS—So the 2009 baseball Winter Meetings are finally complete and a lot of us got to cross off Indiana from our “been-there, done-that” lists. By my count I’m up to 30 of the 48 contiguous states and don’t see any scenario in the near future when I will knock off the two other states, Puerto Rico and Guam.

But Indiana, yes, been there. Unfortunately there was only time to stay within the downtown sector of Indianapolis near the capitol. Nice area, if I say so my own self (and I guess I just did). However, one of the joys of business travel is squeezing in the opportunity to see what a place has to offer.

This year we got to stand on the South Lawn of the White House just below the Truman balcony, and I was able to see the scene at Chateau Marmot in Los Angeles; snow in Denver, the first World Series game in the new Yankee Stadium mixed with a late-night drink at Elaine’s; the gravesite shrine for Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in Atlanta; the Fonzie statue in Milwaukee; the Gateway Arch in St. Louis and had my order messed up by the counter help at the Billy Goat Tavern in Chicago.

That last one made me feel like I was in an old SNL sketch, which could have happened because former cast members Jim Belushi and the heroic Bill Murray were in the press box for Phillies games this year, too.

I got to talk to Reggie Jackson, Fernando Valenzuela and Pedro Martinez. Twice I was at a baseball-related event where the President of the United States also attended.

I don’t mean to brag, but…

In other words it was an interesting year that we closed out in Indiana today.

So what did we learn at this year’s version of the Winter Meetings? Well, let’s take a look:

• It gets cold and blustery in Indiana and the wind will go right through you because there aren’t a lot of really tall buildings and the entire state is as flat as a pancake. Furthermore, Larry Bird does not greet visitors at the airport, French Lick is the name of a city, and no one has seen Scott Rolen in these parts in a long time.

More notably, I got to see where the Baltimore Colts snuck off to, and frankly, the nickname and the colors still belong in Baltimore. Sure, they have Peyton Manning and all, and they haven’t lost a game this year, but I don’t know what the hell the Indianapolis Colts are.

• General managers of Major League Baseball teams practice the craft of misdirection and doublespeak better than any of those spies James Bond tried to capture. After going through the linguistic exercises with the Phillies GM this week, maybe it’s time for him to serve the country as a snoop with the CIA. Sign him up.

• The Phillies are very much in the mix for Roy Halladay. In fact, they never dropped out nor has their interest in the Blue Jays’ big ace waned since they tried to deal for him last July. Moreover, it seems to be very realistic that potential Hall of Famer John Smoltz could be pitching in the late innings for the Phillies in 2010.

Oh yes… John Smoltz.

• And speaking of pitchers like John Smoltz, expect the Phillies/Pedro flirtation to pick up as the off-season winds down. Pedro is perfect for the Phillies’ needs and no, I’m not just saying that because he is the greatest quote in sports since Muhammad Ali. Pedro for 25-to-30 starts a season at the back of the rotation might not be all that bad.

• Hanging out in the lobby of a hotel with baseball people is a good place to catch a cold. If it’s contagious and can get airborne, those people probably have it or are passing it on. Mix that with the 50-mph winds and sub-freezing temperatures and expect to spend the week coughing up and blowing out all sorts of fun stuff.

Yeah, ew.

• Finally, are the Winter Meetings really all that necessary? Sure, it’s nice to have everyone under one roof, but are the winter meetings one of those anachronisms baseball and baseball folks like to hang onto until it has overstayed its welcome by a decade or two? Hey, I like hobnobbing and hanging out as much as the next guy. Truth be told, I’m pretty damn good at hanging out—in the top 10, at least.

But in a digitalized world where news is reported instantly and old-fashioned things like newspaper deadlines are beyond silly, does all that “face time” matter? Oh sure, I’m pleased as hell I got to see Indianapolis. Better yet, I was lucky enough to learn about the state’s fascination with the concept of “eugenics” at the turn of the last century, but couldn’t I have just looked all that up on Wiki?

And do I really need to see Rosenthal and Heyman punch in their linkless tweets from stage right?

No, not really.

Please disregard the motion to retire the Winter Meetings when they are moved to a warm-climate city with palm trees and night life that sometimes serves as the setting for those “Girls Gone Wild” videos. In that case we’ll see you next December in Orlando…

Yep, Tiger Woods’ hometown.

A whole lotta talkin' going on

INDIANAPOLIS—If you’re like me, you have the tendency to talk a lot of trash. There’s probably a more apt phrase to use in the place of “trash,” but since I’ve been away from the baseball folk for about a month, we’ll keep it clean for another 12 hours or so.

Like the people who work for the traveling carnival, sailors, or those who root through the bags here at the airport, baseball folk live a hard life. Oh, it’s completely by choice, mind you. As stated previously, baseball folks act like they have some sort of link to history or Americana, but the truth is you wouldn’t let any of them hold your car keys.

But none of this has anything to do with my boastful countenance. In fact, I don’t even need a reason to let loose with the trash talk. Hey, think I’m gonna let someone bust up my party? No way, man. Put me in a room with the baseball carnys and I’ll keep a hand on my wallet and keep them off guard with a little yapping.

It’s all I got.

So we’re off to Indianapolis for the annual baseball Winter Meetings. Last year they held the event in Las Vegas, which was like putting the Star Trek Convention at Cannes. Watching the writer types mill around the high-roller room at the Bellagio with their lanyards and name tags all in place and those Dockers fitted just right, was disturbing and clearly ruined the vibe of the entire town. Some establishments decided to take preventative measures by turning off all the glittering lights and boarded up the windows as if a hurricane was on the way. Baseball scribes in Las Vegas? Yeah, imagine Estelle Getty in the Victoria’s Secret runway show.

Needless to say, the Vegas Chamber of Commerce and/or convention bureau won’t be drawing up a petition to have the gang back.

Indianapolis seems like the appropriate place to hold the baseball Winter Meetings. Actually, Branson, Missouri is probably the most perfect place, but both the Charlie Daniels’ Band AND The Osmond’s are performing this week. Why ruin the buzz of the hot stove?

Whether or not that stove will be hissing and burning on the Phillies side of the convention center remains to be seen. GM Ruben Amaro Jr. already took care of the biggest need of the off-season when he inked Placido Polanco to play third base, Brian Schneider to be the backup catcher, and Juan Castro to fill the role previously held by Eric Bruntlett.

That’s the brunt of the holiday shopping right there for the Phillies.

But it’s not Santa riding into town with a sleigh full of the big-ticket items. And needless to say we shouldn’t be listening for the pitter-patter of hooves on the roof this year. Oh sure, there still is a chance Pedro Martinez could return to the fold, which truly is the gift that keeps on giving. Oh sure, sometimes predicting the results on the mound from Pedro are a bit of a crapshoot (yes, we already miss Vegas), however, to ball scribes he’s like a three-day weekend in the middle of July. One time when I was looking for something to write about I walked over to Pedro in the clubhouse and said (essentially), “Hey Pedro, can you just talk and I’ll go to my computer and write it all down.”

Pedro filled it up.

My promise is that if Pedro returns I will write lyric poems about him. Hell, why not a feature on the Louis Vuitton man-purse he carries around.

Outside of Pedro, it seems as if the Phillies will target current Mets flop, J.J. Putz as the addition to the bullpen…

Hey, sorry about that flop crack. That wasn’t fair considering Putz was injured and it was the fault of one man for the Mets’ suckitude in 2009. That was a total team effort from the front office on down. The truth is Putz would be a big-time “get” for Ruben, the Phillies, and smart-alecky types that enjoy making fun of other people’s surnames.

I don’t like the last group of people I mentioned.

When he pitched for the Mets, Putz wasn’t very good. However, in 2007 he saved 40 games for the Mariners and posted a 1.38 ERA. Needless to say, that’s the guy the Phillies want to get.

Anyway, whether its Vegas or Indianapolis, I’m not going to be the only person talking trash this week. The truth is it will be piled high and deep in the lobby of some very nice hotel filthy with baseball types. Wear a cup.

Anyone know if Mellencamp is in town?